escaping the slippery slope of comparison

lessons learned using buddhist wisdom to help us stop measuring ourselves against others

lately i have been working with that sneaky, little restless urge to measure myself or my offerings against the outward success of another.

it comes in like an unwanted guest, ringing the doorbell just as i have settled into being content with writing or creating content simply for myself. suddenly i am pulled away from my own center, questioning whether what i have to share is good enough.

what i long for is the steadiness to remain untouched, to rest in my own worth, “constant as the northern star,” as joni mitchell would say.

in searching for that steadfastness, i have returned again and again to a chinese parable that speaks to how both fortune and misfortune are always intertwined.

it’s about non-attachment, which, at its heart, is about loosening the grip we have on outcomes, people, or even our own sense of success without becoming cold or disengaged.

in buddhist teaching, attachment, or clinging to what is impermanent, is what gives rise to suffering, while non-attachment allows us to meet life fully without being owned by what happens.

to live this way is to see that fortune and misfortune are always intertwined, and true peace is found, not in trying to control the outer circumstances, but in staying steady on our path regardless of them.

in the version of the old proverb i know best, there was a monk who lived on a hill in a simple hut. one night, a storm swept through and destroyed his home. the villagers whispered, “what bad luck.” the monk simply replied, “good luck, bad luck, same, same.”

some days later, a wealthy merchant passed through the village. when he heard what had happened, he offered to build the monk a new hut, stronger and more beautiful than the first. the villagers rejoiced, exclaiming, “what good luck!” again, the monk smiled softly and replied, “good luck, bad luck, same, same.”

when Iiwhisper to myself, good luck, bad luck, same, same, i am practicing this very truth, the freedom of not letting the shifting winds of gain or loss decide my worth.

this story lingers with me because it cuts through the illusion that outcomes are fixed, permanent, or final. what looks like failure today may become the seed of tomorrow’s blessing. what appears to be fortune may carry hidden lessons that call us deeper into surrender. everything shifts, turns, and transforms.

so when i find myself sliding down that slippery slope of comparison, when my mind grows restless measuring my place against another’s, i pause. i remember the monk’s words. i whisper inwardly, good luck, bad luck, same, same.

and in that remembering, i soften.

i return to peace.

i return to myself.

i return to sovereignty.

i return to the quiet strength of living unattached to outcomes.

this is the practice: to keep offering, and not for applause or outer measures of success, but for the simple truth of living aligned with who i am and sharing my truth with others.

what do you tell yourself when the urge to compare rises up? i’d love to hear what works for you!

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thank you for being here, it truly means the world. i love hearing your thoughts, if you feel called to comment.

i am a writer, speaker, and musician devoted to healing and embodiment. i share essays, poetry, and original music through venus consciousness. i’d love to walk this path with you. 💞