sex, ecstasy, and everything they took from us

on reclaiming the sacred frequency of our own aliveness: what got buried can be found

i recorded myself reading this one. if you'd like to have a listen.

william-adolphe bouguereau - the birth of venus (1879)

think for a moment about what it actually means to be a human being on this planet.

the waterfalls, the forests, the wind that rages, the fire that burns.

the juicy fruit we pick right off a tree, still warm from the sun.

that awakened feeling of being an alive being who can experience ecstasy.

that is the upper range of what being here can feel like.

that is what we signed up for when we came into these bodies.

but almost all of it has been co-opted.

so we rarely get a chance to feel this free.

mostly we feel stress.

mostly we feel fear.

mostly we feel lost.

so i’ll start with the most obvious and the most loaded one:

sex.

we live in a world absolutely saturated with sexuality. and yet most people feel cut off from their own erotic life, their own body, their own pleasure.

the porn industry has sexuality all ensnared.

we’re still having orgasms, sure we are.

but they have been smashed down into our reptilian brain.

just fucking, basically.

and i’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that raw desire and innate pleasure of fucking. i’m definitely not.

but when that’s all we have, when that has been made to seem like the whole story, we are being cut off from something way more powerful, way more enlivened, way more divine than what we’ve been handed.

our sexuality in its full expression is not separate from our spirituality.

it never was, and every ancient tradition, that hasn’t been scrubbed clean by the empire, knew this.

the body in ecstasy is the body in prayer.

they are the same frequency moving through different doorways.

what happens when you smash it down to just the one note is that you lose the whole song.

and then there is the matter of how we have been so deeply conditioned to override our own knowing.

to consume what we are told to consume, feel what we are told is appropriate to feel, want what we are told is worth wanting.

from the food we eat to the news we absorb to the beauty standards that make us strangers to our own reflections, we have been taught, methodically and for a very long time, not to trust ourselves, not to listen inward.

not to ask: what does my body actually need right now?

what feels nourishing and what feels like it’s slowly making me sick?

what do i actually desire, underneath all the noise?

i think about roundup being sprayed on the land right next to my property line. agent orange, rebranded. a known neurotoxin, still being sold all over the world, applied to the ground we grow our food in.

i live on acreage in what is supposed to be a liberal county and i watched it happen in my backyard.

i think about my husband dying of cancer.

i lost my true love to cancer because of how sick this world is.

sick in terms of all the different layers.

and this is not abstract. this is what it costs when we stop listening to the body. when we let the systems that profit from our sickness tell us what is safe.

keeping things sick allows the warped system to continue.

a body that has been cut off from its own pleasure, its own wisdom, its own sovereignty is a body that is very, very useful to the people and powers that need us small.

the baby boy billionaires, the world leaders, and the ones behind them all are all part of the power structure that feeds off us.

it behooves them to keep us afraid and to keep us sick.

and most of us, a good majority of us, in fact, have also been abused.

as children, as women, as bodies that have been treated as objects, as property, as something to be used and managed into silence.

and abuse doesn’t just leave a psychological and physical mark, it changes our frequency. it leaves a story running underneath everything that says:

my body is not safe.

my desire is dangerous.

my full aliveness is too much.

and it is really hard to free yourself from that.

it is fucking hard.

i know because i am in the middle of freeing myself from it all. and the first step, the one we maybe don’t talk enough about, is just to open our eyes.

eyes wide open.

eyes wide shut.

we have to open our eyes first.

because once we can see it clearly, the shame and the smallness and the numbness and that they are not ours, they were put there, they were installed by a system that needs us disconnected from the full force of what we actually are, it starts to lose its grip.

what i feel like i came here to question in a thousand different ways this lifetime, is this:

what do we allow and what do we not allow in our sacred, divine space?

what is feeding our growth, and what is slowly killing us?

be it people, places, or things…

and once we start to awaken, the real trick is how do we get back into our own bodies?

how do we become sovereign beings?

because that is what it’s all about. the whole entire point of earth school is to become ourselves.

fully, unapologetically.

our full aliveness that got co-opted, is still very much ours.

it didn’t get destroyed, it got buried. and there is a difference.

because what gets buried can be found.

and what gets found can be reclaimed.

and what gets reclaimed becomes ours in a way that no system, no power structure, no amount of carefully engineered shame can ever take from us again.

the waterfall.

the wind.

the fruit warm from the sun.

our own bodies,

finally…

become home.

a friend here recently wrote the sweetest note about me.

she called me a sassy saint.

let’s all be sassy saints together.

we can be both.

we already are.

we just forgot.

and the forgetting allowed others to profit off our amnesia.

not anymore.

we are waking up to our fire, to our birthright, to our sacred sexuality as a choice to embody…

while we are still living, breathing humans on this beautiful planet we call home.

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thank you for being here, it truly means the world. i love hearing your thoughts, if you feel called to comment.

i am a writer, speaker, and musician devoted to healing and embodiment. i share essays, poetry, and original music through venus consciousness. i’d love to walk this path with you. 💞