let's make valentine's day a self-love day
because we are the one's we've been waiting for
it’s 2:00 a.m. on valentine’s day, and i am tired but typing. something i do often, when the need for sharing overrides my need for sleep.
i have decided that valentine’s day is officially self-love day.
why?
because we don’t have enough self-love, while romantic love is splattered all over pop culture and commercial culture, and valentine’s day has been co-opted.
i know some women have tried to rebrand it as v-day for vaginas. and i respect the rebellion, but i like the idea of self-love day better.
because we could really actually get somewhere if we did that instead.
imagine a whole world where we all went around loving on ourselves in visible ways: treating ourselves to something special, talking to ourselves in the most loving and encouraging ways, being self-indulgent in all the best ways.
you get the vibes. it would be delicious.
instead, we get this romantic love circus.
and it’s not that i am against romantic love, don’t get me wrong.
but i am against the fucking patriarchy going after yet another beautiful thing with its greedy, grimy hands and convincing us we have to buy shit because of it.
sorry for my potty mouth. but sometimes i just have to swear to get my feelings out on the page properly.
and don’t tell me you haven’t felt the pang of “oh no, not this holiday again,” since it asks us all to fit inside some predetermined mold.
at best, it’s awkward. at worst, it strips us of the truth that every day could actually be valentine’s day.
there you have it.
venus’ take on valentine’s day.
but now it’s time for a little story about valentine’s day and where it originated.
it’s the part i remember from my waldorf teaching days, when i told the stories of saints and holy ones to my second graders, while a beeswax candle flickered on my desk.
there were several early christian martyrs named valentine, but the one most connected to this day lived in the 3rd century in the roman empire. around 270 a.d., when rome was at war and the emperor believed single men made better soldiers than married ones, so he outlawed marriage for young men.
valentine, a priest, thought this was cruel and unjust. so he secretly performed marriages anyway, believing love and sacred union were worth protecting.
but then he was discovered and he was arrested.
legend says that while imprisoned, he befriended, or even healed, the jailer’s blind daughter.
and before his execution, he wrote her a note signed:
“from your valentine.”
on february 14th, he was executed for refusing to renounce his faith.
later, the early church honored him as a martyr. and over time, this date became associated with his name. but the romantic angle came much later, in the middle ages, when poets began linking saint valentine’s day with courtly love and springtime longing. and from there, it slowly evolved into the holiday we know now.
what i love about this story of st. valentine, is that it is about protecting love in a culture that suppresses it, choosing one’s own conscience over the dominant power, and honoring sacred union even when empire says no.
my beef with valentine’s day isn’t with any of that. it’s with what capitalism does to everything sacred.
and it’s with the subtle message that we must live in perpetual longing, that we need someone else to complete us, when really, we are the ones we have always been waiting for.
so yes, love your partner, love your spouse, love your crush, and write the card, or buy the flowers, if that’s what delights you.
but please, for fuck’s sake,
love yourself first.
pretty, pretty please, love yourself first.
love yourself so fiercely that you would stand up for yourself the way valentine stood up for love.
just please don’t die for it. cause you gotta stay. even though i know that it’s hard as hell sometimes.
but maybe there’s a rainbow waiting for us, if we can just stick it out a little longer. and maybe the awakening starts with how we speak to ourselves in our private moments, like now, at 2:00 a.m.
and in this way, february 14th can become the day we say:
no more to the myth that we are lacking.
no more to the billionaire baby boys squeezing the precious life force out of us all.
no more to the old scripts that run with their constant torturous systems of oppression.
how about we choose love instead?
and maybe it starts with self-love day for valentine’s day.
thank you for being here, it truly means the world. i love hearing your thoughts, if you feel called to comment.
i am a writer, speaker, and musician devoted to healing and embodiment. i share essays, poetry, and original music through venus consciousness. i’d love to walk this path with you. 💞
Good one, V!
Your perspective on Valentine’s Day as Self-Love Day is truly inspiring. It’s refreshing to see a call to prioritize self-care and self-appreciation in a world that often emphasizes romantic love. Your story about St. Valentine and the origins of the holiday adds depth to your argument, highlighting the importance of standing up for love in all its forms. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and encouraging us to love ourselves fiercely.